I'm Being a Wimp, Not a Bad-ass

I think I've probably hit the worst part of my training, at least mentally.

I am freaking out, in tears and panicking about doing a 16-17 mile walk tomorrow in the freezing cold. I don't think it's about the weather or the distance, though. I think it's more of a mental thing. I've e-mailed one of my coaches for suggestions. In the meanwhile, I'll write about it here so that at least I can get it out of my head and onto "paper".

I am scared to death about getting through tomorrow's long walk. We're supposed to walk up Riverside to the Little Red Lighthouse and back, and then some. It's supposed to be 26 degrees out at 8:00 AM, with a "real feel" of 9 degrees! After my 9/11 volunteering, and my more recent trip down the West Side Highway and back last week, I know it feels about 10 degrees colder along the water and it's usually really windy. But, at least walking down the West Side Highway is familiar. I know where things like clean restrooms are. I have no familiarity with walking up Riverside. I also know that, as a walker, chances are I'll be walking at least part of the way back alone. So, the thought of being in unfamiliar territory, in the freezing cold all by myself is kind of scary. I don't think the thought of doing it would bother me as much if the weather was warmer. The combination of the two, though, is more than a bit intimidating and overwhelming. We have the option of doing our miles in the park, which may be what I'll end up doing if no one else is going to be walking up Riverside and back with me.

The other thing that's overwhelming me a bit is the thought of then having to commute back home in the cold. I have a change of clothes packed, so I have something warm and dry to change into once I'm done, but I think I'm having flashbacks from last weekend, when I was wet and chilled to the bone and waiting for a bus in the rain. I didn't get really warm and dry for over 2 hours after the actual walk was over. I really don't want to go through that again. I think being chilled and cold on the trip home is worrying me more than being cold during the actual 16 mile walk, if that makes any sense.

Like I said, I'm being a wimp, not a bad-ass right now:-) I'll survive, I'm sure. Nothing I could possibly face in the Walt Disney World Marathon next month could ever be this bad weather-wise!